If you're anything like me, and you're a survivor of trauma, you would have adopted some toxic traits that your abusers had. It won't be deliberate, but it will be subconsciously embedded. Let me give you an example:

When I was angry I would let it out on the people I loved because that is something my abusers did. They loved me but they were frequently angry with me. They taught me it was okay to hurt those I loved. Once I saw this pattern reoccurring, I had a choice. I either change that and stop losing people I care about, or I bury my head in the sand and I continue.

The latter wasn't an option for me, because I was losing the people I loved. And that made me unbearably lonely.

I'm here to share that it doesn't have to be like that for you. I am sharing how I stopped those toxic habits. I hope that by sharing these, you can start to work through the toxic aspects of your life.

This week's blog will cover:

❤️ How your habits are making your toxic

❤️ How your coping mechanisms may actually be the problem

❤️ How you can "cut" the toxic from within you

Before we get into it, I assume you're here because you're trying to recover from CPTSD. Or you know someone who is and you'd like to help. Well, I have created a six-step guide that explains everything I did to heal from CPTSD. It's completely free and the link to access is is here. I encourage you to take a look at it if you think it might be beneficial.

Tip 1 - Identify your toxic habits and toxic traits

So the first thing I recommend you do, and the first thing that worked for me, is to identify your toxic habits and your toxic traits. Once you've done that, I urge you to stop the toxic habits, because they lead to the toxic traits.

Let me break down what I mean:

A toxic trait (something you do which is toxic to hurt someone else) doesn't just come from anywhere. Usually, it's a buildup of emotions or events that has created an explosion of emotion. For me, something would bother me and instead of processing the pain, I buried my head in the sand. I would also turn to things that were harmful - like drinking or working really hard - so I didn't have to think about what happened.

These coping mechanisms were toxic habits (something you do when you are hurt to bury the pain in an unhealthy way). These were toxic habits because the unprocessed emotions remained in my body. Fast forward a few hours and my friend would say something to me that I didn't like. What would happen?

I would explode on them. The toxic habits led to toxic traits.

The toxic habit itself normally isn't toxic, in the outward sense of the word. For example, when I buried my head in work so I didn't have to deal with my pain, that didn't cause anyone any harm. However, it was toxic because I wasn't processing my emotions. It created a buildup of negative energy which had to come out somehow.

I'm not saying everything you do when you're hurt is toxic. When you feel pain, you may go on a walk or you may journal. That is not toxic at all. Quite the opposite. When I talk about toxic habits, I'm referring to the actions that mean you either completely disregard how you're feeling or you look for something to cure your problems.

With that in mind, it's time for you to identify your toxic habits. What do you do when you're in pain? How do you work through it? Those toxic habits are exactly what you need to change.

Tip 2 - Don't do this alone.

It can be really hard to identify what your toxic habits are or how you hurt people. This is a great opportunity to ask a friend. I know that might sound terrifying and you might think you have no one to turn to, but this is an opportunity to open up. You never know, they might have been waiting to tell you this for a long time but didn't know how.

I recommend you go up to a trusted family or friend and ask, "What do I do that can be quite harmful, either to myself or to other people? Are there any patterns or trends? What are they, and can you help me change them?" In this way, not only will you identify the toxic things that you're doing, but you'll also have someone on your side to help you work through them. There's no better way to end the toxic cycles you're in.

Tip 3 - Remove the toxic from within you

The third thing I did that I recommend is to cut the toxicity out of you. Your body, your mind, and your heart can only hold so much energy. It's only so big. And that energy is divided how you want it to be. Maybe it's full of love and compassion, maybe it's full of sadness and depression and anxiety and fear.

The only way to change that 100% is to work on some percentages. In my case, I decided to replace the ugly emotions inside me with positive emotions. It took work because negative emotions seem harder to get rid of than happy ones, but I did it anyway.

I put in the work. I practiced self-love. I took more baths. I cooked better food. I just cared for myself. Even though they were small acts, over time, the bad stuff in my heart was getting replaced with good stuff. I replaced self-doubt with self-love, hatred with compassion, and so on. That meant I stopped being as toxic because there wasn't the same anger to let out on anyone.

What's the takeaway?

If you want to get rid of that toxic stuff, work on replacing it.

Hearing all of these things and having to admit the fact that there are aspects of you that you don't really like is a hard pill to swallow. But you're incredibly brave for doing it. Honestly, the hardest thing you'll ever do is break the cycle. Your abusers had these toxic traits or habits, and they ignored them, and they passed them on to you.

You're stopping that cycle from happening. As awful as this may be to work through, you are incredible for doing it. Do not forget that.

I hope today was useful, and if you are serious about working through your CPTSD, I've left a cool resource at this link. It's a free six-step guide, and it's all about how I got over my CPTSD. You can use it too, completely free of charge, and I hope something in there helps you.

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