Having a safe environment has been directly linked to the mental stability, resilience, and overall well-being of an individual. That's why it's essential to have safe people within that environment.

Humans are social creatures, and we need people! So while you're trying to recover from CPTSD, I urge you to only surround yourselves with safe people. It's something that I did during my journey, and I would say it saved my life.

Unfortunately, if you've been through trauma, it's likely that you're not the best at identifying safe people. I know I wasn't so I thought I would share my three tips for identifying a safe person, and hopefully, that will help you identify yours.

With that in mind, this week's blog will cover:

✅ Why your gut is your greatest advisor

✅ Why actions really do speak louder than words

✅ The three defining characteristics of a safe person

Before we jump in, I can assume that you're here because you're working through your CPTSD, or maybe you're helping someone work through theirs. Well, I've left a free resource in this link, which you can access, and it walks you through the six steps I took to heal from CPTSD.

Step 1 - Trust your gut

The number one thing you can do to identify a safe person is to trust your gut. I say this because to "feel safe" is to feel like you're not in harm's way. And that's a feeling. So, one of the best ways that I was able to identify unsafe people was by feeling if I wasn't okay around them.

Of course, this doesn't mean just the people who are physically or emotionally abusive (it's very obvious they scare you). These are also the people who create small bits of anxiety in you.

Let me give you an example: I had a group of friends who I wanted to impress all the time and I was anxious to be their friend. In contrast, when I hung out with some other friends, I'd be exactly who I was and I felt comfortable coming to them with anything.

The latter group are safe people.

It's not to say that the other group of friends were bad. Mainly because they never did anything active to hurt me. However, I considered them unsafe because I wasn't able to be fully vulnerable with them. And if I cant be who I am in front of someone, that means I don't feel safe to do so.

So, trust your gut. They say that you can make a judgment of someone within the first five seconds of meeting them. Maybe you should try.

Step 2 - Actions speak louder than words

Now I will share with you the second piece of advice I give to identify a safe person. I know many of you may struggle to trust your gut when you meet someone because often if you have CPTSD, you're not fully connected to yourself.

If that's the case, the best teller of If someone is a safe person is to watch them. What do they do? A lot of people say that they're a good person or say that they're safe, but they're actually narcissists trying to manipulate you.

So, try and disregard the words for now and just look at the actions. For example, if you're meeting someone for the first time, you can tell if they're warm because they'll have a smile on their face, they'll look welcoming, they'll look friendly, they'll make an effort with everyone in the room, and they'll make you feel comfortable. Naturally, that's not always the case, but it's a good way to start.

This also applies to people who have been in your life a while - you just have more "data" to work with. Watch what they do. How do they treat others? How do they speak about others when they're not there? Chances are, if they're being negative about other people, that means they'd probably be negative about you if you weren't there.

These reasons aren't enough just to cut someone off, but if the trend keeps happening over time and you get the feeling that what you see isn't right, they're probably not a safe person.

Step 3 - The top 3 characteristics of a safe person

The third tip I'm going to share with you is a list of three characteristics that I can see in my safe people. Use this list to take a look at your safe people and if you can see these three characteristics, chances are they'll be safe.

#1 - A safe person is always responsive to your feelings. The quickest way to determine if someone is safe is by trying to talk openly and sharing your opinion on something. If they're receptive to it and listen, then they're probably a safe person.

#2 - The next big indicator is the fact that non-toxic people are willing to grow. This is essential in life and also in relationships. And it means that if they mess up, they're willing to hear your feedback and grow. It's not a one-sided street; they also expect you to grow too, and that means you're creating a healthy relationship together.

#3 - The final trend I've seen in safe friends is that they can look after themselves. Emotionally, physically, and even spiritually. They have a good level of self-love, so they rarely act from a place of hurt. They can also support you because they have a stable foundation to work from. They don't need to depend on you for anything, and that's a really nice friend to have.

What's the takeaway?

So I hope those three tips were useful, and I hope you're able to find a safe person. If you're feeling discouraged because you have a negative impression that the majority of the world is dangerous, from my experience, that's actually not the case.

There are dangerous people in the world, but there are also a lot of safe people who want to help. If you want to recover from CPTSD faster, I'd recommend finding them and creating a strong bond. I know my safe people literally saved my life so I can't speak highly enough of this.

I hope you found something useful today and if you're interested in taking your healing one step further, then please access my free guide to recover from Complex PTSD by clicking this link. This comprehensive guide includes everything I did to recover, and it can be a valuable resource for your journey to healing.

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