In case you haven’t met me before, my name is Bee and I write this blog to offer you support and encouragement as you navigate life with C-PTSD. First of all, congratulations for making it this far. I know how hard it is. In fact, even I will never fully understand what you’ve had to go through to get to this point. So, show yourself some compassion and take a moment to congratulate yourself.

Secondly, well done for taking the time to help yourself by checking out this blog. You’re well on your way to healing because it can only start when you invest time in the process. That means every second that you spend understanding your condition, practicing coping mechanisms, and working through the areas you struggle with all accelerate your healing.

With that, let’s explore one of the most difficult aspects of life that you’re likely struggling with as a trauma survivor: creating and developing healthy and meaningful relationships.

Living with C-PTSD is challenging enough, but that’s especially the case when it comes to relationships. Perhaps you keep damaging relationships that are important to you. Perhaps you can’t seem to hold down a stable partner and you feel like you’re the problem. Perhaps you just can’t let anyone in…

Whatever it is, I can promise you that I’ve felt it too. You are not alone and help is here for you. Let’s dive in to see how creating and maintaining relationships might be proving difficult for you, and steps you can take to change that.

How your C-PTSD is impacting your relationships without you even realizing:

Symptom: Hypervigilance

By constantly being in a state of increased awareness and arousal, you may be continuously on the lookout for potential danger in your relationships. This can make it difficult to relax and be present in relationships, especially when it comes to trusting someone.

Symptom: Emotional numbness

This can make it difficult to express your feelings and connect with others on an emotional level. Have you ever found yourself being jealous of how “close” other people seem to be? That might just be because you struggle to feel that close to someone.

Symptom: Difficulty regulating emotions

This can lead to outbursts of anger, anxiety, or sadness, which, unsurprisingly, can strain relationships and make it difficult to maintain healthy connections with those you love. The phrase “hurt people hurt people” is particularly true here, and it's a pattern that I recommend you break. Immediately.

It goes without saying that these symptoms can create a number of challenges in forming and maintaining healthy relationships. However, It is not uncommon for individuals with C-PTSD to have a history of unhealthy or abusive relationships, as well. If you are experiencing problems in your relationships it is important to not only ask what you can do better, but also if the other person is causing any of the problems.

However, it is important to remember that recovery from CPTSD is possible, and there are steps you can take to improve your relationships. How do I know? Because I’ve used them myself and have a group of 8 loving friends (who love me more than my family ever could, by the way!) and one adoring partner. Let’s check out what worked for me and see if any appeal to you…

Steps you can take to improve your relationships

Solution #1 Engage in therapy

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… working with a mental health professional who is trained in treating C-PTSD can help turn your life around. In this context, they will help you understand the impact of your trauma on your relationships and develop coping strategies to improve them.

Solution #2 Practice self-care

Do not underestimate this. How you show up in relationships is a direct reflection of how you show up for yourself. Do you want a loving, compassionate, caring supportive relationship? Then start taking care of your own physical and emotional needs first. (Oh, and this solution is free! Even better!)

Solution #3 Develop healthy communication skills

Learning how to express your needs and feelings in a clear, assertive way not only makes you feel safer, but its also a great way to practice setting boundaries which those you love. This will be hard because many trauma survivors believe their needs don’t deserve to be met. (Spoiler alert: they do!). By setting boundaries you will build trust with the person, and feel more connected to them. Both of which are key factors for healthy relationships.

Solution #4 Seek out supportive relationships

Surrounding yourself with people who understand and support you can help improve your overall well-being and reduce the impact of C-PTSD on your relationships. You have the power to select who is in your life, so choose the “good eggs”! You deserve it!

But why would I put in the work?!

Relationships are fundamental to a joyful and fulfilled life, so if you have difficulty managing relationships, that’s going to directly impact your mental health.

If that’s already happening, don’t worry. It is important to remember that you can change how you approach and manage your relationships. You are not the first to experience the feelings you have, and you won’t be the last.

If you want more guidance on proven ways to improve your relationships, the topic is also covered in our free “6 Step Guide to Heal From C-PTSD” and we explore it in depth throughout our course, if you’re interested in signing up for that!

Whatever steps you take to improve your relationships, don’t rush it. Recovery from C-PTSD is a journey, and it takes time. As you work towards recovery, be patient with yourself and remember that setbacks are a normal part of the process.

As Rosanne Henry, a C-PTSD survivor and advocate, has said, "Healing is a process, not an event. It takes time, patience, and compassion – not only for ourselves but for those around us."

Take care, and know that you are not alone.

Love,

Bee & The C-PTSD Support Kit Team

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